Rejection

Well, I suppose one could look at this as a rejection but my feelings say - OK so what next? I wanted a bit more than a seed spilled moment.

If this is a metaphor for something else, I think it needs a more expansion. If this is simply the moment that it is, and the fleeting thoughts of a lover who did not accept - then -- eh. Why do we need to know?

There is potential here. Sex sells. But I think the poem needs more. More power and more meaning than what you have let us see here. Show us a bit more, rather than tell us what was.

Thank you for the opportunity to read your words. ~Pamela

I've been trying to figure this one out, Al....as if the poem is less than half the story. I, too, need more to *connect* with.

~A

The title is very descriptive of the contents. The lament to end the emptiness is clear to me. He wants more than she is willing to give. And she wants the freedom of a sexual encounter without commitment. The poem works for me. I liked these lines:

His chest heaves, hot and empty.

After their passion, before her sleep,

his pleas for a life together

were spilled before her

in torrents she denied,

in a deluge unabsorbed.

I feel that just because a piece is short, doesn't mean that it isn't poignant and fulfilling.

always, Cat