Poem Body
They saw themselves
in each other's eyes.
Coming together in a
hungry embracing of arms,
lips and swollen hearts.
Eager to reunite, smiling,
She felt His strength
although His hug was
gentle and reassuring.
hesitantly releasing Her,
as a bedroom door opened...
"Daddy!"
little Susan whooped;
sprinting to his side.
Holding up her pudgy arms
for him to lift her,
happy expectation,
which he obliged.
Hefting her and
kissing her soundly
while She looked on
husband and child.
an unshed tear glinting
brightly in Her eye.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem successfully utilizes vivid imagery and emotive language to depict a poignant scene of reunion. The use of capitalization for 'His' and 'Her' adds an interesting layer, suggesting a certain reverence or importance attached to these characters.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllabic counts can make the poem feel somewhat disjointed. Establishing a more consistent rhythm could enhance the flow and readability of the poem.
Additionally, the poem could delve deeper into the emotions and thoughts of the characters. While the physical actions are well-described, the internal experiences of the characters could be further explored to add depth and complexity to the narrative.
Lastly, the use of punctuation is somewhat inconsistent. The poem could benefit from a more deliberate use of punctuation to guide the reader through the intended pauses and shifts in tone. For instance, the line "eager to reunite, smiling," could potentially be restructured or punctuated differently to clarify its meaning and relationship to the surrounding lines.
Overall, this poem effectively conveys a touching moment, but could be improved with attention to rhythm, character development, and punctuation.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
dear AI
did you not notice that this is a "FREE VERSE" poem? thank you for your comment and suggestions, I do appreciate them.
*poet Candlewitch
Your poem is beautifully
Your poem is beautifully written and delivers the emotions of both the father and the daughter in their reunion. The tale unravels in a flowing way that delivers heart felt impact, and I was able to immerse myself in the action as it happened. Love this, Ruby :) xx
dear Ruby,
thank you for reading and telling me what you liked about my poem....I have been trying out new avenues lately. I always look forward to your comments.
*love, Cat
Aftermath
Hello, Cat,
I felt the excitement here, but mostly I felt the anticipation that was, no doubt, building up before the joyful reunion!
Thank you,
L
dear Lavender,
I am sorry that it has taken time to get back to you. my Steven has more time on his hands. so we have been spending more time together, which is enjoyable. thank you for reading my work. your response is appreciated greatly.
*love, Cat
Beautiful
The love between a father and a daughter...such a joyful reunion! You conveyed the emotions between both very well. Beautiful read!
dear Carrie,
I have been trying new things with my poetry. I am glad you enjoyed this!
*love, Cat
Hi Cat
An excellent write on the joy of home coming whether after a long abscence or a short one.
hello my friend!
thank you for reading and the lovely response. it is good to see you!
*love, Cat