Sadness

i like stars....study of its appearance with visual
from hubble and earthbound instruments
and the study of radio astronomy and
study of our inner worlds and below the sea
surface with our investigative "eyes"

side scan sonar....microwave radar
for surface strata and airport scanning
magnetic image resonance

and sometimes the simple are intriquing
in their reflection
like the simple binary of a wind up
musical box....very similar to
10011000111110010001111001010001001
technological language
a kind of touch reflection
signal

we can raise wrecks just intact
from the ocean
and others are broken up
and raised for inspection
for the treasures known
to be within

the mythology
of search
discovery and
recovery

i like the image of pressure
and explosion in your poems
lines

like a compressed file
a crumpled paper

your refrences to atomic structure
is interesting

"tiny handwriting"

as i age my eyes get more declined
of vision

i went shopping for basic items
for the kitchen in a huge walmart
cheap name brand cloth wipes
for a little broom...im old school
and use mops and rags on the floor
get down on my knees and scrub
like my mom taught us..

i went into this huge store and began
my search for brooms...thinking i could
then break it down and find the box
or items i needed........after an hour of
circling like a lost bomber for a target
that is not defined i didnt give up and
ask for help......kept looking beyond just
what i thought i knew....that inner depth
and thought.......on a fourth pass on
the very periphery i found them.....

i was so happy........like finding a comet
from just scanning the open sky
like that elusive target in the maze of
structures that are indiscriminate
on the ground...

poetry writing is similar and my day to
day discussions are like this....i like
the dazzling....i like the science of how
we think of humans....treasure lines
wit and one liners....

and like all science creativity and discovery
it is the treasures of the random sequential
occurence that bring about revelations
of thoughts

people are like supernovaz blazing personas
but deep down emitting a radiation of energy
stronger then light

your poems always inspire me
for thought
when im on the library computers
ive got six windows going at once
opera technical vids
and my interest in radiation
and atomic fluency of theory

density.....inertia....half lives

chain reaction..critical mass..
change through force
be it peaceful or violent
the fulcrum point where
energy equates and
over rides
and sets off the expansive
reaction

transfer point.....

well you have made my saturday
with this poem...

thank you very much....

Your poem held me captive as you take the reader through a journey of the universe on your thought wave. To me it emotes your admiration of its enormity, yet also expresses your "Sadness" that it is not the same as you would like it to be, which is why you dream of yet another mighty explosion leading to it's re-birth. I'm not sure if I connected with your poem correctly.

I especially liked the following lines which resonate pretty well

While their atoms are changing structure
I think the sound is my step's sound

The process is a circle
so don't bother yourself where are you now

Because I went so deep
my sea bottom is still written in tiny handwriting

I agree with what Esker and Raj have said. This poem expresses so much about such an immense thing as our universe and also reveals so much about such a complex thing as what it means to be human (to be curious, to always seek answers and to always strive for more). We're not happy just figuring something out, we want to know more and more and rework and explore beyond our wildest dreams. I think the poem presents this expertly.

I think the parallelism on the lines "Between death and noble gases where might be nothing / A bursting in antimatter cloud where truly might be nothing" works really well.

If I could make one suggestion, it would be to change one of the uses of "red" on the first stanza. I think creating a contrast such as "purple/blue nebula" and "red rain" might work better. As it is, the repetition of red sounds "off". I hope you don't mind me making this suggestion.

Thanks!

Well it seems that you have captured some of the best critics on Neopoet.
Not much else to add except "great", Yours Ian.T

Hi Emma! I love the science in this poem and the general ethereal feeling and you have some very good phrases and word choice.

I stumbled a little on stanza's 4,5, and 7 unless I'm reading it wrong - which is just as likely! lol

Did you mean;

Stanza 4

Between death and noble gases
where "there" might be nothing.

Stanza 5

A bursting in antimatter cloud
where "there" truly might be nothing.

( I wonder if stanzas 4 and 5 could be combined into one stanza because the last line in both is more or less the same )

Stanza 6 Did you mean;

The process is a circle
so don't bother yourself where you are now. or;

The process is a circle
so don't bother yourself. Where are you now? or something else?

I think these stanza's need clarifying ( just my inexpert opinion - ignore if you don't agree ).

Other than that your poem is thought provoking and deep.

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxxx

the big bang? [grins]

One thing bugs me slightly, no, largely. The last word. To me the poem seems to be leading toward implosion, a black-hole perhaps.

to me this piece gives me great mind visualing result. the imagination that it offers is powerful and beautiful. Kudos to you, Emina.

Alid

Knowledge is a gift, health is wealth....

I wanted to ask your opinion in my poem entitled "Serenity". Tell me if there's a way I can improve in it.

Alid