raj
Jul 09, 2020

Serving a poetic cocktail (Sedoka)

Poem Body

juggle mind for words
cherry pick appealing ones
and shake a tipsy cocktail

raise a toast for joy
let it roll onto your tongue
say "hey i got it all right"

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is my first attempt at a Sedoka which was introduced by Rula in the last few words of her poem...she enticed me to try it...as she explained a Seduka is made up of two Katukas..one katuka being a 3 line verse with 5-7-7 syllable sequence hope i got it right

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

R

Thanks for the read and your comment and suggestion. I will think about it during edit..

be well...

Geezer

with Teddy. It just would seem natural to have it begin with shaking. I do think that tipsy is alright for the other line. Nice little Sedoka. They seem to work well according to what they are supposed to be, I don't remember trying this before, so I can't say for certain. ~ Geez.
.,

Rula

Rula

4 years 9 months ago

Thank you for taking the challenge. I knew it is a piece of cake for aspired poets just like yourself.

The only thing you need to check is K.2 L.2 where you got one syllable less
May be something like: "let it roll (onto) your tongue"
An owesom writing as usual from your pen. I have nothing to say but much appreciation dear raj!

R

Thanks for taking time to read and good to know I got it right except for one syllable less in K2L2 which i have now fixed....

be well....