judyanne
judyanne
Mar 07, 2015

so will we cease to be? (a conversation)

Poem Body

that tunnel over there persists
in beckoning we pair
so will we, somehow, still exist
once we leave, and pass through there?

it’s obvious to me, quite clear
the end’s beyond this place
we two just need to stay right here
in this cosy, warm, small space

but surely there’s a bigger room
to which we’ll soon belong
and, after birth, we’ll grow and bloom
I’m certain you’re mistaken, wrong

there’s only what our bodies feel
what our eyes can see
only what our senses tell
and nowhere else, than here, to be

so what about the Mother thing
the drumming that we hear
the beat that wakes us in the morning
and gently soothes our night-time fears?

there is no actual Mother dear
we’ve made her up to shush
our apprehension and our fear
that after here there’s naught for us

when all is quiet I feel a glow
and hear a small soft sigh
words of warmth are whispered low
and I feel a presence of love nearby

with imagination you are blessed
‘twill be your downfall yet
belief in what we cannot test
is foolishness, our greatest threat

so we will, somehow, not exist
once we pass through there?

'tis my belief we will desist
there’s nowhere else, to be, than here

.

 

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

10 years 1 month ago

Profound. Certainly a conversational tone could be sensed and stimulating the thought process....

Regards,

Sparrow

A lovely piece of writing, questioning the things we cannot see.
We are physical beings, so as we are, we cannot see, as we look with our eyes.
I hear the Children laughing, at least they know something we have yet to uncover.
You seem to be aware, then doubt where your physical boundaries hold you.
I worry not of many things, just talking, it is a way of belonging to a beautiful place.
But many want to stay as they are, but this is the way it has always been.
I am going to my cave for a week from tomorrow, to have some think time.
It will be so quiet there, but it will be fun and a rest,
You take care, will talk next week sometime, but I shall be there also,
Yours, Ian xx

lovedly

This soliloquy
Speaks of loneliness
and despair
when nights falls
when one is all alone
even the bathroom walls
are cold and silent
we console ourselves
someone upstairs will help us
through the night
as day comes again
ere
to say this much
Loved does dare
no waffle here
if you care
to share
okay
compare

judyanne

I thought the 'a conversation' in the title, plus the line, 'and after birth we'll grow and bloom', would've given the reader the clue that this is supposed to be twins talking to each other in the womb....

I was attempting to make one sound like the spiritualist and the other like the scientist of this world

An (obviously weak) attempt at a subtext

Thanks guys for the read and comments
love judy
xxx

R

raj

10 years 1 month ago

If you read my comment, I just said good conversational tone..not between whom? :)

judyanne

I did note what you said
lol -
I was coming back to write a reply to you....
I was going to ask if you saw the text/subtext, or just thought it was a conversation per se
I would be interested as to where you might think I can make it more clear
love judy
xxx

R

I believe that in "n beckoning we pair" the pair is pretty suggestive of twins...

Regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 1 month ago

this is an awesome imaginative dialogue. I admit I make use from your comment to raj but,even without that comment, it can be easily figured.

I think such a dialogue can make benefit from the advanced formatting, as you can use italics for one and non-italics for the other or so, then you won't even need to mention in the title that it is a conversation.
Enjoyable and creative.
Thanks for sharing.

judyanne

for the lovely comment and great suggestion. I contemplated using italics, but decided, for whatever reason I can't remember now, not to. But on second thoughts, I think you are correct - so edited

Love judy
xxx

S

that this might be a bit more effective if written in another physical poem.Then I got done thinking and started remembering a form I thought up once. "Parallel". Putting a conversation in parallel leave no doubt who said what. See "Inheritor and Benefactor". A hard form to post but pretty effective. Or being a comp whiz such as you are you could put one twin in italics. Very interesting poem, ma'm.........stan

S

If you really want to signify that there are 2c people speaking try indenting every othe stanza one or two spaces.

wesley snow

very satisfying. I agree with Rula that a "separation" of voices would benefit the poem.
Otherwise, a extremely successful work.

Geremia

Wonderfully composed as are all of your poems=-- yes, I read everything.

I wrote APPWARANCES on same theme. When we pass something happens bui the closer we get the less we believe in the hereafter. The poetry we have in us, however, says something about a ""soul"", yet having been raised an Italian Roman Catholic, many beliefs have been drilled into me that have become indelible sources of anxiety, I keep to my faith in Christ, but, then, I am filled with doubt. Paradox.

I saw my mother pass from the same disease that I inherited, It was horrible. Crisis of faith--why do we suffer the agony of ending? Death's silence speaks to the argument that there is nothing beyond this life and to ;lose someone you love is the worst pain imaginable.

Beautiful and sensitive poetry you write, Judyanne.

JOE

judyanne

I have personal experience of the survival/continuation of the soul or spirit, or whatever one wishes to call the consciousness of 'I'. I have felt, twice, for a few short moments, that 'peace which passeth all understanding'. And I have felt, on a number of occasions, my son beside me. I've held conversations with him, heard his answers....

Whether anyone wishes to believe me, or think I'm for the psych - house, I don't care. If I ever have a doubt, I remember the times I have felt the 'other place', and I know - 'know' as not in 'savoir', but a 'connaissance'... I cannot doubt those experiences, as they were more real to me than 'here' real....

We have somewhere else to go Joe.... and that somewhere is a good place. It is not a place of punishment or reward, as the church, in an attempt to keep control, has tried to brainwash us with ...

The only person judging us is ourself - and self on self is the hardest judge of all. Everyone may have forgiven us for our unintentional or intentional hurts, but we find it difficult to forgive ourselves for some of the things we've done - what harsher judge do we need? Lol.

thank you so much for the very lovely comments about my work
Keep strong Joe. Have you read 'by the banks of Jordan'? My entry for the March contest? That's where your, now whole and healthy, mother waits for you
love judy
xxx

S

The universe wastes Nothing. And the law of conservation of energy says energy can be neither created nor destroyed. And what is life if not energy of some type? The same law also states that energy Can be transformed into matter or another type energy. So there Will be something else awaiting when your life transforms to another level. So many people have been led to think science and thoughts of the hereafter are at odds with one another. But they're actually the same thing, just stated in different terms.................stan PS somewhat like Judy, I've also experienced inexplicable communication from people newly passed and one time it was with somebody I never knew. Easy to say, but have faith

Geremia

Thanks,, Stan. 3 years ago I had kidney failure, and when I decided to call paramedics, I had ""seen"" something. I would have been dead the next morning--my potassium level was off the charts. I've seen GOOD and I've seen EVIL. So there is something out there.

joe