Poem Body
It had been my usual swirl
down the riverbed
and unto the deep of our pearls.
Today, I swept my cares
behind my share of pearls,
pared mind from heart to see
the deep - my deep - open
to the frenzied welcome
of another swimmer.
I would try not to drown.
Comments
Hi Osadolor
Thanks for the explanation. I do so very much wish I could make the connections you suggest...I cannot. I think perhaps I need to sense the other swimmer is a lover, or one desired as a lover, and that you are conflicted by this meeting because of faithfulness to another lover. The title does not get me there, as we've not established you have any relationship with anyone.
Being that you like Maya (who doesn't!) I would like to point out how transparent her poetry is. She build a poetic narrative that is immediately comprehensible, but the poem builds into other meanings.
My own feeling is not to overly hide behind the poem. You can both keep a poetic distance while at the same time allowing the reader to be engaged in the central core of the idea of the poem. Abstraction in art can work, as it is also decorative and part of home furnishing. But poetry uses words and ideas, thoughts, images which we cannot hang on the wall.
It is not for me to change anyone's aesthetic, as there are no truths to art, only opinions. I prefer
those poets that compose works which have immediate recognition of its idea, and then builds and builds with meaning and emotion.
my simple observation
and unto the deep
(would depth not be better)
of our pearls.
maybe it's just me!
I totally agree...
I can get the drift of it after you have given us the meaning, but like the man said. if you hadn't explained, I wouldn't have gotten it. Lovedly is right, making the point of depth versus deep! Good call Lovedly. Perhaps if you had made mention of a lover in some way... Maybe if you had said; "She swam beside me into the swirl" or something of the sort? Nice metaphors but a bit too early. ~ Geezer.
.
Thanks Geezer
I have been instructed by many
NOT to post any poetry
thus
after autumn one
I haven't
they have asked me to guide mostly
with an intent to improve
with reverence
hence the depth!
well i had not read the explanation part
else
I would have asked
who was /is the infidel
you he or she
any how good imagery
Wonderful appraisal. Thank
Wonderful appraisal. Thank you guys. I honestly don't try to overly hide the poem. Maybe I write believing my poems could immediately be understood as I the creator. I have also been a fan of covertness in art so that it is almost impossible to not include it in mine. And should a poem be too plain, I get irked.
Nevertheless, I have received your comments, and think they were all fair.
Maybe I thought PARED MIND FROM HEART was going to completely connect the earlier lines from the subsequent ones.
I am so grateful guys.