Poem Body
what trickster great this phony season fall
Demeter’s soul allures as Autumn nears
disguising, well, herself to one and all
appears and walks and sings lamenting tears
adorning young Persephone’s silk song
betraying virtues innocent to bloom
with feign’ed prophesy that’s false and wrong
deserting them, to fade and die too soon
and yet to judge her beauty I am loath
until the cold wet winds descend discord
and bring the long soft slumbering of growth
the sweet deceiver’s gifts are all adored
and who’s to say the when, who dare enquires
the worth of hour a flower’s soul aspires?
.
Comments
judy
i thought the "sing" in "disguising" is stressed. hmmm
Alid
hi alid
dis -GUIS -ing
love judy
xxx
a lot of thought
put into this piece - prosodically correct - metre and rhythm in touch - good write.
thank you
very much nokros, for the read and very kind comment
love judy
xxx
Awesome dear Judyanne
I believe this is again a dialect thing,
VIR|tues i|NNOcent
and BRING |the LONG |SOFT slum|BEring| of GROWTH|
also not sure about
bloom/soon ... at least not perfect
I see your couplet with 11 syllables, but think it is somehow acceptable as long as the tenth syllable is still masculine not feminine
An awesome sonnet as usual.
I especially loved the enjambement use in the couplet.
Thanks for sharing
I cannot see
any dialect sounding 'VIRT -ues INN -o -CENT' in any other way
and 'soft SLUMB -er -ING'
'soft' - I know that is debatable, but I think its unstressed enough in this context
bloom / soon - yes you are right ... I won't be changing it however - I'm tired of this write
let's see if my next one can't be more perfect :)
love judy
xxx
I don't mean to argue
but this is how I found "innocent". May I ask which dictionary do you refer to usually. I think they differ as American, English or Aussi :) :)
adjective in·no·cent \ˈi-nə-sənt\
it is really pronounced INN -o -cent
One does not say inn -O -cent
and any dictionary I have checked ....IN -uh -suh nt
But for the purpose of the sonnet, the last syllable can be slightly stressed
It is not a perfect line, but acceptable I think, especially before 'to'
judy
and too
enquire , aspire
are not really 3 syllables
en -KWAHYUH R
uh - SPAHYUH R
love judy
The "r" on enquire is, I believe,
a diphthong. It should account for only about the last 3 to 5 percent of the second syllable which means I don't think it can be used as a syllable itself.
As to the poem I agree with many of Rula's comments, but still found it hauntingly beautiful. Just a gorgeous sonnet.
thanks Wes
but saying you agree with most of Rula's comments, I hope you're referring to only the rhyme of bloom / soon, and with the stressing of soft
but not, I would hope, including the pronunciations of 'innocent' and 'slumbering'
Thanks for the very kind words re this write
Love judy
xxx
guise
anything to do with Autumn Im in
I love how flowers close at night
and open in the urged heat of a suns
rays
loved the triffid movie too
and The Wall
the sensuality and power
of flowers
cacti blooms
the water lilies
so delicate
on the dark tannic
mystery
Your poems are expressions
of feeling Judyanne
depth
I like this...
Thank You!
thank you Steve
for the lovely comment
love judy
xxx
what happened
how my comment vanished
tis a mystery
do read half a sonnet i just posted
Judy
you did?
what's the title?
Alid
Hi Judyanne
I googled Demeter and Persephone - ( don't know much about Greek mythology ). I really like the mystical feel of this poem, especially in connection with Autumn. I'm guessing there is far, far more to this poem than I have comprehended, nonetheless what I do comprehend is your skill and incredible knowledge - you never cease to amaze me. :)
So very well done Judy. :)
LOve Mand xxxx
Mand
Such very kind words, and a beautiful complement
thank you
I am very glad you liked this and bothered to google the goddesses
Love judy
xxx