Poem Body
When you were yet a child, so dear to me,
tummy flat upon the rug, finger on a book
to read the lines, your lips a babbling brook,
my heart went out to you, my busy bumble-bee.
I loved those hours, filled with joyous play,
loved your curly hair and sturdy limbs
so quick your favorite branch to climb.
There were no better times or happier days
that now I sit beside your arms upon the quilt,
so motionless, their lifeline out of symmetry,
and cannot grasp the ingrate chronology,
must hide my face awhile, with tears of guilt.
Yet still I marvel at the gallant spirit in you,
understand the battle in those dimming eyes
and guess your nameless sorrow, the solitude,
youth’s body wasted frail his soul to heaven rise.
Comments
Hello Grace
I am sorry that your child died. Even as they turn old our children are still our children. I didn't read over the above ideas so if some of mine mimic theirs it is by accident. Here are my ideas:
When you were still a mere child, so dear to me,
lying flat upon the rug, finger on a book
reading the lines, your lips a babbling brook,
my heart went out to you, my busy bumble-bee.
I recall those hours, filled with joyous play,
loved your curly hair and sturdy limbs
so quick to climb or clutch at my skirts; hems
There were no happier times or better days.....(for some reason switching these two just seems better)
But now I sit beside your arms upon the quilt,
so motionless, their line now out of symmetry,
and cannot grasp the cruel chronology,
must hide my face awhile, with tears of guilt.
Yet still I marvel at the gallant spirit of you,
understand the battle behind dimming eyes
as toward heaven your no more frail body rises
for your limbs are now both strong and new
I realize that this is likely not going to be taken word for word but, rather, just as an attempt to show an alternative
That loss
So hard t9l imagine that, sorry to discover the loss of your child.
Dearest Gracy...
I haven't lost a child, although there has been a close call; but I wanted you to know that you have brought the pain so close, that I can quite imagine it. I also can feel the warmth of remembering his presence. I have nothing to add to the heart-felt advice that the others have given. I also wish to offer my condolences. ~ Geez.
.
Sorrow
Hi, Gracy,
Beautiful poetry as seen through a mother's eyes. Thank you for sharing this.
xx
L
Gracy
1st stanza 3rd line what if you were to add (were ) babbling brook
4th line to watch my busy bumblebee bee2nd stanza 2nd line
the wonder of your sturdy limbs
and I cannot grasp
spirit of you
these are my suggestions take them or leave them as you wish
Hi, all of you, thank you so
Hi, all of you, thank you so much for helping me out. There are many great suggestions, so I'll have to go back to my Word.doc and paste everything there, before I can see what works best. Back soon, Gracy
I also want to thank all of
I also want to thank all of you for your condolences. Patrick died some years ago, but a loved one remains always in one's heart.
Bless you all, Gracy
Oh dear, I apologize for not
Oh dear, I apologize for not revizing my poem yet. You've all been so helpful and kind.
I'll return and work on it as soon as my muse helps me to discern better.
Kindest regards to all, Gracy
Thank you so much, Teddy. I
Thank you so much, Teddy. I will have to let it rest. Can't come up with anything at the moment. I agree that it has to do with being a personal, sad experience.
Many hugs from far away, Gracy