WonderGolly
Jun 25, 2012

A Stranger Knocking:

Poem Body

Knock, knock… knocking on your door
I am the traveler from the steppes beyond the moor
I bring news with me for you from the afar shore
Knock, knock… knocking on your door

Something please happen
Anybody present to open
I stand tall outside in this cold
With frost growing beards on my chin.
Though I stand upon your sheen
With my tattered rags
That is all I have to brag
So do not shame me with disgust
I have come to your house as a guest
Look not upon my weathered self before you gest
The intent I carry to which you may fest

Knock, knock… knocking on your door
I am the wanderer from the fields beyond the moor
I come bearing tiding from the afar shore
At least show face and bid me to hold
And I shall be humbled to still oblige
Why do you not answer?
I am the nomad messenger
Journeying from one storm house to another
Doing the bidding of the masters
- Brewers of the storm houses of chaos supplications

Knock, knock… knocking on your silent door
Away now I walk back into the blizzards
With my ragged divination bag sown with the skins of lizards
Away I walk with your answered prayers back to the afar moor.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Volta / GH, GHA

Favorite Poets: Kofi Awoonor, Kofi Anyidoho, ... :(

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 9 months ago

This one although a good theme just had too many words in lines and your rhyming was stressed..
I think that a more gentle flow with your stanzas would increase the readers and comments, forced rhyme become either harsh or comical and tends to have the reader clinging to the last words only to see what's at the end of the next line. If I have time though I cannot deal with the form to a high level I will have a look at this one from the way I see the theme,
Yours Ian.T

W

I couldn't agree less with the honesty of your comment.
I had a couple of my friends read the poem and they confess
the theme was okay but the delivery, not so okay.

so, yeah, you're right. I need to work on my delivery.