Poem Body
When asked a simple question
she becomes defensive and mean,
preferring to be hidden away
obscured, behind the scene.
When measured against the many
she feels inadequate and small,
striking out against her rivals
fear precedes her, ahead of her fall.
Wracked with strong emotions
she knows her stories are trite.
Naysayers beware of her vice...
Striking first, before the fight!
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Thin Skinned" presents a character who is defensive, insecure, and fearful. The use of simple, straightforward language helps to convey these emotions effectively. However, the poem could benefit from more use of figurative language and imagery to create a more vivid picture of the character and her emotions.
The structure of the poem, with four-line stanzas and an ABAB rhyme scheme, is consistent and helps to create a rhythm. However, the rhythm is occasionally disrupted by lines of different lengths and syllable counts. To improve the flow of the poem, consider revising these lines to match the rhythm of the rest of the poem.
The theme of the poem, dealing with insecurity and defensiveness, is a relatable one. However, the poem could delve deeper into this theme by exploring the reasons for the character's feelings and her reactions to them. This could add depth to the character and make the poem more engaging for the reader.
Lastly, the poem ends on a strong note with the line "striking first, before the fight!" This line effectively summarizes the character's defensive nature and provides a powerful conclusion to the poem. However, the phrase "naysayers beware of her vice" could be clarified or expanded upon to better connect it to the rest of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Thin Skinned
Hello, Cat,
Not certain of your intent with this one, but I can tell you how this poem feels to me. I've known girls, women (actually men, too), so full of hurt and confusion that they act this way. Dismissed or ignored, made to feel belittled or inferior. They strike before anyone can hurt them first. I look forward to your response!
Thanks, Cat!
Lx
Dearest Lavender,
you have it just right! I have experienced this. someone has struck out against me. I did not retaliate. just wrote my thoughts on it.
*hugs, Cat
Wise choice
and wonderful poem!
L