The Time Shift Of Love

Poem Body

A stormy whirlpool spins.
Words chomp and churn, in capital bold type!
The swirling library of jagged edges
is swallowed whole.

The words disjoin and fall apart,
crumbling into oblivion.
Only to be regurgitated then re-chewed,
into black ink bile,

The ruinous fluid is gulped down.
Its constituent parts mix in the gut.
The bitter wormwood slowly evaporates
into the time shift of love.

A new vocabulary emerges;
a masterpiece of calligraphic art,
beautifully etched with a diamond stylus,
In the soft tissue of the heart.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Comments

excellent

Choice and choice of the words Mandy.
I'd say a masterpiece to express the love for the art.
Loved the internal rhythms here and there too.
Really enjoyable!

Hi Rula

Sorry about the long delay in reply - hospital appointments. ( for my daughter - carpel tunnel op, Grandson - legs in plaster from an op. Husband - for various ailments. + school hols and trying to earn a living etc.

Busy busy.

Thanks for your lovely comment - cheered me up no end.

Kids are back to school now - but daughter + oldest grandson goes back to hospital this week. Hopefully things will settle down again next week. Phew.

Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxx

I like,

I like this a lot, the only thing i'd change is. Third line second verse, (Only to be regurgitated, then re-chewed into black ink bile.) I think the word then after the pause, has more effect if you can imagine regurgitation and then chewing. Hope this is of help, great poem, Love roscoe...

Thanks Roscoe

Thanks for the observation and advice - I've made the change! and I'm really grateful you pointed it out.

Your input is truly appreciated.

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxx

Mand

an excellent slant on new ways whether, writing, love, or just feelings.
The slight amendment by Roscoe makes a good line better, there is nowt much else to say about it.
Beware of acid reflux it could spoil your love life LOL.
Digit has locked himself away for the last few days not sure what he is up to after that last tantrum, I shall check the beach in the morning to see if he has been out walking.
At least we don't have to keep looking over our shoulders for a while..
Take care out there, Yours Ian.T

Hi Ian

Husband take tablets for acid reflux. Lol

Nice to see and hear from you. I've made the change Roscoe suggested - good advice, me thinks.

I wonder if Digit has been around!! I'll have to see. He he

Thanks for comin by to read and comment.

Love Mand xxxxx

Acid flux is no disease

just freeze
drink gallons of water
and inhale fresh breeze
never keep a stomach empty,
keep munching…
the stomach keeps producing acids
where and how will poor tummy use it
lest you arrange some feed

but never gorge
as all acid will through ones throat shall forge

That much said in poetic form
my regrets
no clichés
no norms
nor metaphors
what for….
Poetry is just an expression
of the inner mind,
you may call it soul