judyanne
judyanne
Apr 07, 2015

Too Long?

Poem Body

.
as the crab sleeps gradual and gently
in the slow boiling pan of cuisine
do I doze in the pot of the physical
forgetting where I have been

letting it slip from memory -
the wondrous awareness of
a place of marvel far removed from
this reality that I quaff

am I becoming entwined in the worldly
in stupor of who I am
with amnesia of the other me
and thus from true knowing banned

so have I been in the pot too long
in that saucepan on slow burn
with my mind getting dimmer and dimmer
heavy lethargy all I will earn

slipping away from the sea of knowledge
lost in sense sublime
moving slowly towards unconsciousness
asleep in the pot of Time?
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Comments

Rula

I bet this has been inspired while you were preparing your meal, or lying hungry dreaming of a nice meal..Lol
Really great use of metaphor and word choice. I especially liked the use of "stupor" and "amnesia"
why "gradual" and "gentely", not "gradually and gently?

judyanne

I used gradual rather than gradually, for the rhythm more than anything...

lol - I don't often get to prepare a meal of crab these days - my favourite food (or one of them) - rather expensive here, unless one catches their own - just as difficult these days as they seem to be in danger of being fished out. When I was kid we used to catch them by the laundry tub-fulls....

Thanks for the read and comments
love judy
xxx

mand

You get your point across cleverly and effectively through word pictures. :) it make's your writing interesting and motivates the reader. :)

I see you haven't used capitals, full stops etc - is that standard practise. ( wondering if I should do the same )

Love to you ( from one crab to another ) lol xxxx

Mand xxx

judyanne

Thank you for the very kind comments

I rarely use capitals, or punctuation at the end of a verse (I do within) ... exceptions being some narrative.... I just think a lot of punctuation looks messy.... lol - just me

love judy
xxx

judyanne

No I am not depresses -- did this write make you think I was -- interesting...

No - I'm not in Sydney, don't look like getting there any time soon either, sadly. And, lol, I don't have time these days to go for a leisurely walk... but, lol again, I get plenty of walking therapy at work.... and I talk to plenty of people there too...

Doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to fit in a few leisurely walks with you if you happened to pop over here for a visit :)
love judy
xxx

judyanne

your take on this. It could definitely be seen as a subtext of the intended meaning, being the likening of my soul in this reality to the slow heating of the crab in the cooking pot. Neither of us realising we are heading deeper into unconsciousness.... albeit that the crab is heading for unconsciousness to life, and I am heading towards the unconsciousness of Knowledge (capitalised purposely) - so lol, there it seems I've now found a flaw in the rationale of the write :(

But, as you know, I'm with the group that believes the poem belongs to the reader, and I really like that someone sees a subtext, that I hadn't even intended, as text

thanks Jess
love judy
xxx