IRiz

Nov 27, 2018

TOO LONG

Poem Body

I am sorry it took me too long
to explain who I am.
I have grown older and changed on the way.
I forgot the beginning of my own story
and nobody’s left to listen to me at the end.

Naked I sit on the shore,
happy that I have learned one thing
that there is no need to explain anything to anybody,
that I can breathe, love, and draw
as much as I need. Nobody wants to know.
Nobody needs to hear. Nobody dares to care.

All alone among billions of other lonely clones,
endless and slight variations of one winning genome
we have a lot in common, we share everything
including the belief that we are mortal and unique
while in fact, we are more or less fair copies
of the first - born a few million years ago - version.

It took me too long to understand who I was.
This knowledge doesn't make me kinder,
it hurts and sobers.

I sit on the shore of my disappointments.
Distracted by changing winds, I am trying to focus
on breathing, I show my teeth in conventional smiles,
my hair stands up, and goosebumps
march all over my skin, I sit on the shore
in the sun-made wreath of melted copper and tin
I inhale salty spray, mix of sand and original sin.

Come and take my pencils away
I am ready to stop drawing.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

Comments

this poetry Irene is abs and so truthful-- yeah beautiful

.....that there is no need to explain
anything to anybody,
that I can breathe, love, and draw
as much as I need.
Nobody wants to know.
Nobody needs to hear.
Nobody dares to care.................'''

and
why should anybody
can you tell me
Iriz

extraordinarily
metaphorical poetry

teach all please
how to come out of cocoons
we dwell in still
lonely and still
kindly Irene will ye

wonderful CEO
you have already proved to be

Dear Lovedly,

Dear Lovedly,
Thank you very much for reading.
I am glad you find it worth your time.
I looked through your profile and picked a few fragments to quote your poetry on Instagram.
I slightly modified some lines to link them together. Take a look and tell me if this is okay to quote you this way.

Hi IRiz

Nice reflective poem..among many, the following lines stand out for me

Naked I sit on the shore,
happy that I have learned one thing
that there is no need to explain anything to anybody

goosebumps
march all over my skin

Come and take my pencils away
I am ready to stop drawing.
...........................................................

excellent raj

good pick up
well done

Thank you Raj.

Thank you Raj.
It is a real pleasure to be read by you.

hi Irez

I am a bit haunted by the poem. Throughout the poem, you present a very Kafka/Camus presence, one of acceptance and rebellion. That you can stand alone against the storm, that you know who you are, the poem feels like it's about triumph.
That "that there is no need to explain anything to anybody.."

Then the last line makes me take a double take. Why should I (the reader), now introduced to the poem written in the first person, want to come and take your means of imagination away? The poem feels to me like

No one can take my pencils away
I'm not ready to stop drawing.

It's a good write, but it leaves me thus a bit confused.