Poem Body
Within stirs a persistent bane
birthed while on her Mother’s knee.
Now her bones grate
against rhythmic rocking chair,
break the dim silence
while images reverberate
on the back walls of her mind.
Disquietude prompts alarm
as obsessions claw toward
recognition amid graves
of muffled fears
she pretends are invalid.
Her desire to flee
from reminders of falsehoods
and fake passions
nags her endlessly
like unforgivable sins
haunt a cloistered sister.
Neither plea, nor prayers
will quell her rumination.
Comments
Hello,
Interesting poem. I liked these lines:
Her desire to flee
from reminders of falsehoods
and fake passions
nags her endlessly
like unforgivable sins
haunt a cloistered sister.
always, Cat
Thanks
I have few readers so glad to know someone stopped by.
You're wrong, since my return
You're wrong, since my return I read, don't always comment. I comment when the poem or my mood motivates me, so I'm not always reliable. ;-)
This is a difficult poem...to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes...especially a woman unless she's a relative or close friend. I think if you were to make a *connection* with her, the poem would take on more meaning and *show* more.
I'm also reminded of a poem I wrote many years ago, a sort of window into the future, if I should live so long...
I may add it to my comment when I find it.
~A
Bill
like Anna I read your poems but don't always comment, for I think that you are a good writer. I don't comment just to say well done, a lease I don't do that now.
Ok, this poem has a good story, but i don't feel the persons pain. It seem to be from a distance, so it looses its impact. Maybe in my opinion if written in the first person the pain can be more real. kind of person experience.
Eddie
PS. never think that your not being read. on the old site you could seee how many hits the poem got.
Eddie and Kaliashana
Thanks, I appreciate your comments. Thinking over that first person suggestion.
Her desire to flee
Her desire to flee
from reminders of falsehoods
and fake passions
I feel these lines. Live these lines. However fleeing doesn't make them cease, not for me, standing up to them does. Not a suggestion in changing anything in the poem, just thinking out loud! I loved this piece and would not change anything. Some have suggested a first person change, maybe, but I personally don't think it would change the passion here. Just my thoughts.
Kim
(V)
Well, I
agree with you. Fleeing is not letting go which is what brings relief or at least resolution for me in most cases. Hope it is okay to follow you on here.