Rula
Rula
Feb 10, 2013
This poem is part of the workshop:

GREAT POETRY (a workshop)

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Untamed temerity By Roscoe Lane (Great Poetry Workshop)

Poem Body

Untamed temerity

Broke the morning air with an uneven stride,
stole three kisses from a bachelor’s loving bride.
Surely I was happy I had nothing of worth to hide,
been working so hard to turn down my secular pride.

Wave after wave kept rolling on their wetted sand,
kept my powder dry, my canon close to my left hand.
the nihilistic brotherhood of toff’s couldn’t understand,
you pluck no other’s strings if you’re a one man bland.

Respects are paid my dues are or maybe coming next,
complicated yes, but what can anyone else expect.
Wrote a few rules but didn’t understand or right a text,
all the old authoritarians seemed awfully conned vexed.

Won’t care for debt, tore a new arsehole through life‘s rule,
why do so many people wait for their joy to begin.
Get up off your knees please declare their palate gruel,
you don’t need their ways having your fun is not a sin.

Order I hear them shout, but this order is for who,
they're the ones flying high in comfort throughout.
Governed by the laws they never seem to give due,
we can’t be the same we have a nose not a snout.

So I am not ever going to bend an unassuming knee,
there’s to much anger, fight and life left in me.
I don’t much care for those who can’t or won’t see,
they can’t tame us, if our hearts and minds are set free.

Here is attached the original link of his submission

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/untamed-temerity

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I believe this is the hardest part of this work shop It was never easy to choose from some of those that I have bookmarked since I have come to this site. I apologize to every one of my mates here. To choose just one from many was really difficult. Roscoe is one of the great here and I always look forward to read his work. He touches some very critical issues in such a powerful way and though I don't comment on every piece he writes, this is because either because I lack the time or because I don't have anything to offer to improve.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

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Comments

S

Just dropping in to keep this near top of stream. Will comment later................stan

S

get cracking on this one lest you raise the dreaded IRE OF THE SCRIBBLER ...lol...........stan

BlueDemon77

I think this piece flows relatively well, with just a few mishaps in the meter. I love the tone of righteous anger and the overall content. If there is a failing to me it is a tendency to get wordier as the piece goes along, at times diluting the message. It is an enjoyable read with very few negatives. I think if you were to edit the body and ending to the style of meter in the beginning, you would really have something quite wonderful and (subjectively, to me) something great.

Ron

Rula

I can' t agree more. However it is the rageous tone is what attracted me to this piece regardless of the meter possible flaws . When the text or the subtext touches me i pay less attention to minor flaws but i understand what you mean. Many thanks again