lou
lou
Oct 29, 2010

VIRGIN verses by Lou and chorus by Hooded Stranger

Poem Body

You smiled at me and melted my defences
Impure thoughts, invaded my brain
Body ached to let you in
But I was a naive miss

When you were in my bed ,
Virgin eyes devoured your
creamy caramel thighs..
Tongue sampled your liquid centre

Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must

Unskilled hands cupped and caressed ,
You played my body and rang out every maiden note.
At once elated and ashamed, virtue’s claret spilt.
Terrified I would be considered a slut.

Youthful fascination, controlled my vigorous frame.
Lust filled urges flowed freely.
I worshipped your body, until mine was spent.
Emotions overthrown, and yet so needy

Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must

Loved and lost many times since then.
But none can touch, the impure hunger
That we both gave so openly.
Held together in first loves flame.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Hooded stranger added the chorus and came up with the conversation angle,of the poem. Thank you Hooded Stranger

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

More from this author

Comments

lou

lou

14 years 6 months ago

thanks Xena,

the poem is supposed to the girl and boy's pont of view, i realise i need to rewrite it so that it is obvious it's a conversation between the two people.

lou

lou

lou

14 years 6 months ago

No worries lol

Lou

Z

ziggy

14 years 5 months ago

well well lou i see you posted it, your fast becoming the co write queen, steamy stuff read and enjoyed ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

judyanne

the two voices were quite clear to me lou
- at least i mean i could see there were two voices, a couple of times i didn't know who was talking
- but that actually made the poem more effective
as i think it blended the couple's thoughts to imply that male and female both have the same emotions, fears, etc...

some parts i had to read with my hands over my eyes...... (smile)

love
judy
xxxx

lou

Dan had the idea for the coversation style and he wrote the repeated chorus.
I wrote the rest, sorry if my part was too steamy haha.

Lou xx

Hooded Stranger

Judy,

apologies for missing this comment first time around.

I am pleased the two voices were clear, it wasn't as easy to do as I first thought.

Book review - I haven't forgotten, I have just been really busy, but it is on my list to be finished next week.

regards,

HS

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 5 months ago

firstly, I must say what a fantastic chorus!! Lol!

As you know I read the first draft of this and although it was good...ish...it needed a little something. The conversational aspect has done the trick and it reads wonderfully now.

Good job.

HS

lou

lou

14 years 5 months ago

Nice to see a little modesty lol

Thanks

Lou

RoseBlack

Good collaboration, the two voices were separate and clear. The story of loves first intimate moments catch the readers attention. Good job