China Blue

Sep 08, 2011

This poem is part of the workshop:

Olympic Pool (initial workshop)

(Read More...)

Description:

Workshop for those who have graduated from the Splash Pool or are ready to take their poetry skills to the next level. This workshop should offer encouraging and more critical feedback from each other and the Moderators/Leaders. Main purpose of workshop is to help the attendees improve their own poetry skills and helping them to offer more detailed critique.

Chrys (China Blue) (Leader)
Enda (Ziggy) (Moderator)
Boni (Bonitaj) (Moderator)
Ian (Yenti) (Moderator)
Cat (candlewitch)(moderator)

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WORKSHOP - Critique Skills:

Workshop commences - 16 May 2011.

This workshop will cover the basic skills of critiquing. We will begin with a discussion of The importance of same.
Topics for discussion
Helpul VS a pat on the back
Why critque at all
Paying close attention to the Author's request(found at the end of each poem)
Questions and answers

All participants will abide by the workshop guidelines, including but not limited to
respect of each other, work submitted, and personal attacks.

Ten participants will be accepted on a first come first served basis. Submit your request to attend to my private message box China Blue

Requirements:

Each participant will bring one poem taken from the stream. This poem cannot be of someone they "always" critque".
Time will only allow a limited amount of poems to be crtiqued in the workshop. Therefore your workshop leader will select the poems from those submitted. Poems will be handled one at a time from beginning of critique to completion , then the next will be taken in order.

Process:
Participants must devote 14 days to the workshop
Those that have time limits on the use of the computers should contact me or Dan (Hooded Stranger) and we will try to work on an alternative solution.

* Each participant will submit along with the poem "Their" critque of the same

This will be critiqued by other participants, which will culminate in a complete critque which may be posted. Blatant errors will be corrected. We will be more concerned with the process of the critique

This workshop is closed.

Walking Through New England Woods(olympic Workshop --Fear)

Poem Body

Elongated shadows cast
An ice cold chill
upon me is cast

Night birds cry
Foot Falls in the distance
Making the earth
Tremble and quake

Glowing eyes from every tree
Voices whisper
They're following me

As I trod histories ground
There is no shelter
To be found

From these haunted woods
Sanctuary I seek
In answer to my prayers
I hear a shriek

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen

Comments

Chrys

the haunting feeling is more predominant than fear as one reads through...that's my perception...but haunting is also a level of fear so i think this write should qualify for the contest....

Dear Chrys,

Your poem raises the hackles on my neck and I shiver:

Glowing eyes from every tree
Voices whisper
They're following me

As I trod histories ground
There is no shelter
To be found

Great imagery!

always, Cat

Chrys

in this re-write fear now predominates the haunting...nicely re-done...

Chrys

This to me is a great start to a story as I am reading it that came over to me. Perhaps a fiction or it could be a non-fiction story. Hmm Chrys what do you think.. It leaves the reader with wanting to know more of what happen perhaps the shriek in the woods.

I like it

Hugs
Mona

As I'm unclear about this workshop...

... I will limit my comment to pointing out a boo boo. I think "history's" needs to be possessive. Wish I had known about this workshop, but such is poetry. wesley

A sudden shriek?

The end of the first line could be BLAST to avoid two casts?
Footfalls in the dark would have a rhyme, but footfalls in my wake would too.
What about voices whisper 'follow me.' As you have already said something was behind you.
"As I trod histories ground
There is no shelter".....two tenses here I TROD- THERE IS. in some parts I was not sure when it was.
Not sure what history had to do with it exactly. Perhaps that thought could be elucidated a little more as its a relevant one as those woods are probably historic, interesting, I have never been there.

"In answer to my prayers
I hear a shriek"
To answer my prayers
A sudden shriek?

I too liked the fear in this poem and see that is all I should have addressed, but here were some thoughts about the poem anyway, for what they're worth!

This could be great stuff with a little work on it, and as others say it begs more.

Love to you, brr!!! from Ann in the forests of Norway.
(Its cold damp and dark here now!)

Perhaps a bit of succinct

Perhaps a bit of succinct tidying-up?

Elongated shadows cast
An ice cold chill
upon me is cast

(lose the line "upon me is cast", it serves no purpose. The first two lines are enough of a foreshadowing, so to speak)

Night birds cry
Foot Falls in the distance

(while capitalize Foot and Fall?)

Making the earth

(lose making)

Tremble and quake

Glowing eyes from every tree
Voices whisper
They're following me

(colon after whisper and quote the last line)

As I trod histories ground
There is no shelter
To be found

(I trod history's ground,
here, no shelter is
to be found.)

From these haunted woods
Sanctuary I seek
In answer to my prayers
I hear a shriek

(in answer to my prayers
I hear my sudden shriek)

The last line needs a two-syllable word
and changing it to my, brings it all *home*, so to speak)

Use or discard.