Poem Body
Why who is she compared to who am i . Why is need more than a manhood made from pride . I want to keep every definition that my love should provide. But I have found out that definition's are a fault of compromised
Feb 04, 2015
why
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
okay.
the way you write is really intriguing, because i want to pull it apart and put it back together with some kind of form, but at the same time i just don't KNOW if you should. i'm very confused. consider that a good thing.
on another note, i like how well the conflict cuts through in this. i love when short poems have a punch.
Mag
Press
Where have you been, matters not you are back again great to see you and I look forward to more of your poetry again.
You seemed to leave when your poetry was beginning to have an effect on others, hope you stay this time,
Yours as always Ian.T (Yenti )
Just a suggestion:-
Why! Who is she compared to who I am?
Why is there a need for more,
than a manhood made from pride.
I want to keep every definition,
that my love should provide.
But I have found out that definition's,
are a fault of the compromised..
do you mean
compromise (without the 'ed')
A strong write - but I do think it would be more powerful if written in a more standard poetic form...
Why
Who is she
compared to who I am
Why
is need more
than a manhood made from pride
I want to keep
every definition that
my love should provide
But I have found (out) - I would drop the 'out'
that definitions ( no apostrophe)
are a fault of compromise
I really like this write
love judy
xxx