the willow weeps (a rondeau)

Poem Body

the willow weeps while seasons flow
as weeks, then years, all come and go
for past and future cares she cries
and sadly sighs as each day dies
hushing the spring and summer’s glow

she droops her head and looks below
as if she sees, as if she knows -
anticipates a winter’s sighs
the willow weeps

and even though beneath each woe
all know exists an embryo
so nascence bursts and blossoms rise
with bloom beneath new summer skies
still, whilst de novo flowers grow
the willow weeps

.
.
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the rondeau is a 15 verse poem, each verse 8 syllables in length,
... except for the refrain - verses 9 and 15, which are shorter, usually 4 syllables, and taken from the first words of verse 1

it is divided into 3 stanzas,
stanza 1 – five verses (quintain)
stanza 2 – four verses (quatrain)
stanza 3 – six verses (sexain / sestet)

The rhyme scheme is aabba aabR aabbaR.
The R denotes the refrain line

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Comments

Good Poem

like almost always is from you..

Regards,

Raj

Thanks for pointing out the typo with the apostrophe...

As for 'to and fro' - meaning towards then away - I really saw no problem, but I have changed it anyway

The short verses are the refrain - explained in the description that I supplied of the form

thanks for the read
Love judy
xxx

Suggestion

Deleted

read

the instructions I have there Raj - it is quite clear what the refrain is ,,,
.

Although, I still feel by

Although, I still feel by adding "except lines 8 & 15" would have madde your point more clear...it appears that my comment was not well received by a perfectionist like you..so with due respect, I have deleted all my comments,

Regards,

so, to make you happy

I have re-worded the instructions

But deleting all your comments was silly, Raj
You really shouldn't take offence so easily - I meant none
xxx

Deleted

I agree

The refrain doesn't have the required 8 syllables. Stanza 1, line 2. is a bit awkward to me. going straight from week to years.....if going from one extreme to another then it should be days to years. if a progression then months to years would be better and the to and fro only works if you are shooting to convey the same thing happening repeatedly. But I have a solution! try : as weeks then months and then years go. Or something like it.
stanza 2 line 3 is the rhythm as smooth as you like and is the message as clear? Try: Anticipating winter's sighs.
stanza 3 line one. though below might be a bit better than though beneath

All ideas respectfully submitted to one who is So much my senior.......ma'm lol
BTW I like the poem and this is a form I might actually try . Thanks for the explanation

I wish people would read instructions carefully

The refrain is supposed to be only 4 syllables....

Weeks turn into years very quickly imo, so I don't see any awkwardness there myself.... I could've used days or months - but why any one or all particularly? I think you are just being pedantic there - I believe it comes with ageing...

stanza 2 line 3 is clear enough to me - and your version doesn't say what mine does.... I'm trying to hint at a single particular winter here...
I also mean 'beneath each woe', not 'below each woe' .. also, I have already used the word 'below' in stanza 2

Sometimes, Stan, I think you just want to change things for the sake of changing them, without thinking a little about what the writer is trying to say. There's a subtext here that I think you have missed... maybe my fault, but the words I use are chosen quite carefully

As for the 'senior' comment ----- read between my fingers ||| :)
Love judy
xxx

Hi

You are of course correct in my being too hasty in reading instructions.
And You would know much better than I about what comes with aging lol (BTW this is last time I'm gonna snipe at you about your being THREE years older than me. I fear it might be taken seriously).
That 3rd line in stanza 3. I went back to think a bit more about why is seemed off to me. And upon reflection, it's not the line itself so much as the hyphen which ends the previous line that caused my stumble.
Beneath or below? I just threw out a word which would add alliteration to the line.
And You are correct. I often throw out ideas for change just to get the writer to reconsider if they've conveyed exactly what they meant. Sometimes the ideas help, sometimes they don't and it never bothers me when any suggestions are not used. But These suggested ideas DID make you think didn't they? lol
PS I still think the first suggestion is valid. Months to years.... too much like counting to 100 but beginning with the number 49. But it IS your poem and as long as you're happy with it who am i to say?..........stan the pedantic man