wind through wattle

I can't say I'm that familiar with Vilanelle's but apparently the scheme is as below and it looks like you have got it spot on:

Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)

As for the contents of the poem I found your first refrain a little difficult to get my head around image wise. The way I saw it was more like:
"Wind whispering through wattle perfumes my way"

in the second refrain gods is a plural I think (so no apostrophe) and for me the plural of ambrosia is still ambrosia (like sheep lol). Perhaps an adjective to qualify ambrosia as well would give more emphasis "sweet" would be the obvious choice.....so:
"visions of old gods and sweet ambrosia"

I think you could lose of of the "thes" from the line below which helps it flow better:
"from all golds the best segregated."

My favourite line has to be "Independent yellow-haired Septembers" and overall I think you maintained the required lyrical song like quality of this form of verse. Well done.

My best wishes

Keith x

I love this one and had the pleasure of hearing your voice to it. I also liked the ambrosia lines. I too had a little difficulty with the opening line and maybe need to read it more thoroughly agian. I am foremost most happy to see you up in here and doing your aussie thing. Love and missed you much xoxoxo
Magics

All I can say well done , great job

Love Lou xx

I really liked this kind of pattern, the thought in my language is "Modern", Judy.
As usual your poetry is teemed with novelty.
Thanks
Regards
Ayaz

"Independent yellow-haired Septembers
down in the land of the Waratah bred
visions of old gods and ambrosias,
with the Wattle Australia remembers
endurance, by its floral emblem led."

Judy,

I really like this stanza, especially: " . . . yellow-haired Septembers"

I enjoyed this read~!

Victor

What chattering sound it conjures up before I have even read a word more of this poem. So now for the rest of it!!!

Oh how you wound me round and round the wattle flower's scented stamens, brilliant coloured Australia with its, to us, exotic blooms that pungently and with their strength become an element of power and magnificence in our mind's view of your sun-beaten country, red and ochre, yellow and brown.

This you capture here judyanne, so well, annnya with a shower of orange pollen love!

First of all, since you asked if it really is a vianelle...heehee...who cares, with poetry like this?
It does conform to the rhyming scheme, the meter doesn't matter, but the structure should be five stanzas of three lines each, and a sixth stanza of four lines, with the last two lines being the two refrain lines, as a rhyming couplet at the end.

But like I said, who cares?

This is timeless and beautiful, poignant and seductive, and for some reason it sets me powerfully in mind of the Dreamtime.

Most excellent.

Now here is a poem that I can relate to! What with the wattles and the waratahs, the accompanying sneezing and sniffling.... popping claratyne or zyrtec for good measure. Out here you just gotta love being one and loving in abandon the wild free spirit symbolised by the unique flora and fauna. Thoroughly enjoyed your poetic offering. Freds

Love the flow, love the repeating lines. I could offer a few words on the villanelle but they wouldn't be myown just paraphrasing or copying word for word anothers thoughts on the matter. All I can say I really enjoyed your poem. It seems to me a nature poem, with strong images of the wind through the wattle of a hovel in the wilderness maybe wrong in my reading there. Or is the wattle in the roof of yourown home. Makes me think of my grandmas old thatched cottage when she was alive. Please though what are the "Waratah" I'd like to know? Going back to your older poems I'm glad I did to unearth this undiscovered gem, well undiscovered by me at any rate.

Here is a villanelle you might appreciate I found in a book "The Everyman's Book of Villanelle's" Also it says along the spine "a 19-line poem with a pattern of repeated lines and two rhymes" so I guess I did use someone elses words afterall.

Ophelia a Wreath (By Ned Balbo):

Water like glass unbroken, silent stream,
Or almost so; broad willow-branch in shadow,
Crowflowers, nettles, columbines, a dream

Of freedom: fish that vanish in mid-gleam
Close to the surface. Grief above, below
Water like glass unbroken, silent stream

Of glitterings, sky-fallings> Whispered name,
Words sung, snatches of nonesense. Listen now:
Crowflowers, nettles, columbines, a dream

Where every garland flares up into flame -
Blood-red, black-purple. Where should this one go?
Water like glass unbroken, silent stream

Into - what next? Stained palms, cathedral-dome
Of sun blinding beyond high branches. Show
Us crowflowers, nettles, columbines, a dream -

Glass shattering, wreath-drenched. Silence the same
As singing? Hair unravelling, undertow...
Water like glass. Unbroken, silent stream
Of crowflowers, nettles, columbines. A dream.

(By Ned Balbo 1959-)

Be well ... John

you said wattle
I read waffle
but where Shirleys have gone
can anyone say
If I ask ,
I may

Shirley is no longer on the site because of certain attitudes in general. I can't speak for her but shes missed. I guess she just got sick of all the bull and bullying that sometimes occurs. Also her computer broke down and I don't know if she'll be investing in a new one. I really miss her too but what can you do.

John