Showers of light sparkle; eyes wide open to perceive,
In silence darkness, his gaze fixed on heaven, eager to receive.
As instant light, streaks across, awe-inspiring canvass,
It’s followed by a trail of sprinkled sky and stardust.
To the north, moons crescent, finds the gaze of a small child,
And within silent backdrop, he rises, the moon upon him smiled.
Apart from for his own breath, airing joy in quiet earth,
A tranquil curve kisses dust, and gives a comet second birth.
Elbows on a window ledge, nose pressed hard upon the glass,
His first meteor shower, but this will not be his last.
In the room next door he listens, for the sounds of sleep,
Safe at last he’s all alone, earth watches as falling stars weep.
Steaks of light build steadily, comet relics of Swift Tuttle,
To reach earth for child’s imagination, and to eternally puzzle.
The Universe has a finery, where she relays the comets history,
To fall to earth as shooting stars, the world grows, in its mystery.
Now he has a thousand wishes, and his face alights in streaks,
For the child climbed from the window, outside to see dust peaks.
He claims each one knowing, that his dreams are carried into space,
As bursting lights reach a brilliant final, in a celestial star race.
To catch a falling star would be the crowing of his dream,
Nature’s fireworks delivered annually, in glorious routine.
With heavy breath he swallows, as the dawning chorus sings,
And our past and future history, the beauty this sight brings.
Within his heart he feels alive, connected to the past.
The Perseids his forever love, long may this romance last.
The comet life, long gone, it’s dust speeds into the galaxy,
Where each Perseid animates, a child’s forever fantasy.
In morning light, he yawns, endlessly inspired.
His bed is calling, the spectacle has left him tired.
August night, a man climbs high, bound to memory,
He sees his wishes reborn, in life’s precious divinity.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem demonstrates a strong command of language and a clear understanding of poetic devices. The use of imagery is particularly effective, creating a vivid picture of a child's fascination with the night sky and the awe-inspiring spectacle of a meteor shower.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. The varying line lengths and syllable counts can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow of the narrative. It may be beneficial to revise the poem with a focus on maintaining a consistent rhythm throughout.
Additionally, while the poem's vocabulary is rich and evocative, it can sometimes feel overly complex. This can obscure the meaning of the poem and make it difficult for readers to engage with the narrative. Simplifying the language could help to make the poem more accessible and impactful.
Finally, the poem's narrative could be made clearer. While the imagery is strong, it's not always clear how the different elements of the poem connect to each other. Providing more explicit connections between the different elements of the poem could help to create a more cohesive and compelling narrative.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Wishes Made From Dust
Hello, Ruby,
Wonderful! I felt the joy of the child along with the mystery of the universe. The best time for us to view was very, very early yesterday morning, but we had thunderstorms. Hopefully a few days left if we can get away from light pollution. I am curious - the child/man is someone you know?
This is magnificent,
L
Hi Lavander, thank you for
Hi Lavander, thank you for reading and commenting. We had cloudy skies again last night, so I didn't get to see them :(
Yes, it is about my husband when he was a little boy. He was staying at his grandmas and climbed out of a window in their bungalow.
Years ago we went to Cadbury Castle, climbed up the hill and watched the Perseids. It was magnificent. I'd love to do it again but I doubt I could make it up the hill these days. Ruby :)
Hi, Ruby,
Really love this one, and the true story behind it makes it very sentimental.
Lx
dear Ruby,
your poem has left me speechless with spellbound intensity!you and it are lovely with such artistry. your muse has gifted you with stardust!
*love, Cat
Oh Cat, I'm honoured, thank
Oh Cat, I'm honoured, thank you. When I wrote it, and I read it back it gives me tingles down my neck. As I've said, it relates to my husband when he was a little boy, his description of when he saw the shooting stars inspired me to write this one. Thank you for your kind comments, I am so pleased you read it and made a comment. Ruby :) xx
Beautiful
The joys and wonder of the universe through a child's eyes. I can remember watching the stars with my father as a child. He taught me the constellations and where the planets were. We spent a lot of time looking at the sky on a clear night. This poem brought back such wonderful memories.
Thank you Rose, I'm glad it
Thank you Rose, I'm glad it took you back to the past. It was a lovely poem to write as I asked my husband a load of questions about the night he climbed out of the window. The stars are fascinating, I think it's the distance yet how close they appear to us. Ruby :)