WORDS JUST WORDS
Our words dissolve as we speak into air,
Each word a poem, to hold new meaning.
Who stole our words for empty prayer,
and love of nature in our dreaming?
To grasp a word and stretch its purpose,
if life and death fuels imagination.
To learn from words, as they do surface,
not control use by false information.
Once we were tempted, in schooled deity,
the prayers we voiced as adoration.
To practice, aged righteous theory,
now grows weak with each generation.
Humans born in diverse divinity.
our ancestors painted caves with art.
As we stare into a past eternity,
did culture and genetics play any part?
When men grasp wealth and greed for gain,
they cursed us with their gold and money.
As now the heavens weep in their reign,
the land we lost, no milk nor honey.
Nature is the one true kingdom,
to live in her life’s noble design.
We were forged in earths fire and wisdom,
life’s struggle now, bonfire of decline.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "WORDS JUST WORDS" presents a complex exploration of language, spirituality, human evolution, and environmental concerns. The use of rhetorical questions and statements of fact contribute to the overarching theme of the poem, which seems to be a critique of human actions and their consequences on the world.
The first two stanzas focus on the power of words and their potential misuse. The concept of words dissolving into air could be further clarified to enhance the reader's understanding. The metaphor of words as poems is intriguing, but it might be beneficial to elaborate on this idea to fully convey its significance.
The third and fourth stanzas delve into spirituality and human evolution. The transition between these two themes could be smoother. The references to "schooled deity", "righteous theory", and "diverse divinity" are somewhat ambiguous and could be made clearer. The stanza about ancestors painting caves is a strong image, but the connection to the previous stanza could be strengthened.
The final two stanzas address wealth and environmental degradation. The transition from the previous themes to these is abrupt. The poem could benefit from more seamless transitions between its various themes. The metaphor of the earth weeping could be expanded upon to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.
The poem's rhythm and rhyme scheme are consistent, which aids in its readability. However, some lines are longer than others, which disrupts the flow. The poem could benefit from a more consistent line length.
Overall, the poem is thought-provoking and addresses important themes. By refining some of its metaphors, clarifying its themes, and improving its transitions and line lengths, the poem could have an even stronger impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Hi Ruby
This really is a fascinating topic. There is so much to learn about ourselves, where we came from, who we are as a whole. It is not just as plain as where we were born or who we were raised by. We are full of ancestral DNA that goes back generations. We hold attributes that are like no one else in our immediate family (even physical) but may be that of someone related to us ages ago. I like how you referenced our ancestors painting on caves with art. It was the earliest form of communication in some cultures. Well done!
Hi Rose, yes, I know what you
Hi Rose, yes, I know what you mean. Our ancestors used their art as a means of communication and to understand their world. We are the only species on earth who use art and literature as a means of communication. It is sad that we don't understand or see what is happening to our world.
Ruby :)
This piece is
of such a complicated theme, that it is hard to relgulate it to a persistent meter.
I do think that you might at least try to keep it within a single beat, [which in most cases will be unnoticable].
I will give you some of my ideas on how to, without I think, losing any of the thoughts.
Which take our words for their newborn prayers [take instead of took.][ newborn to add beats].
In birth and death, grow imagination [grow, to keep the tenses]. [leaving out the we doesn't seem to hurt the perception of the line].
to learn from words, as they [do] surface [add a beat, with do].
Did they mislead us with information? [Leaving out the how, doesn't seem to change the line idea].
In practice the [old] righteous theory [fits with the next line] now grows weak in each generation
Humans born [in] diverse divinity
stare into the past of eternity
I will leave you to figure out the rest; as always, my advice is yours to use it, abuse it,[twist it] or lose it as you wish.
~ Geez.
.
Thank you Geezer, i have used
Thank you Geezer, i have used some of what you said, most of it. Thank you very much for your input. It was good of you to make the effort and help me with this, much appreciated, Ruby :)
My pleasure...
as always. ~ Geez.
.
Words Just Words
Hello, Ruby,
I agree with RoseBlack - fascinating theme with so many different directions. When I think of the artwork in caves, I tend to think of the many emojies, graphic symbols and pictures we now use in communicating instead of using actual words. I am curious about the "gold and money" and "no milk, nor honey." I'll read again after your response.
Thank you!
L
Hi Lavender, thank you for
Hi Lavender, thank you for your comment and questions, much appreciated.
The gold and money are for me how those with influence and power took every opportunity to plunder and steal across the world and from their own people. By introducing currency people were/are forced to use it instead of the old system of bartering or learning a more humanitarian means of production. Forced control by any means is what we have been left with, although there are some schools fo theory that claim the introduction of god comes from terror theory and how early humans coped with how they lived and died.
The milk and honey relates to the decline in the bee and geneeral insect population needed for plants.
One scientist who is a climate specialist, sorry I can't remember his name, has said by 2030 there will be no cattle in Australia as they won't have enough water for them. And because they are reared outside, there will be no shade astemperatures rise. It will also apply to their sheep. But this won't just hit Australia we have seen the wild fires and the rise in temperature across the world this month.
I worry about this stuff. Ruby :)
Chimes at Midnight
It seems as if this is the final countdown to extinction and it can be daunting. I got so depressed thinking about this I finally just admittedly disassociated from it. Probably not healthy but that’s my survival technique. I’m not in denial. I do what I can. Beyond that, I’m unattached.
I enjoyed the poem. I see the A team has lent their advice and I read it after some edits. It’s a good one for sure and they’re all correct difficult subject with a lot of emotions and variables.
Excellent work
Tim
Hi Tim, thank you for your
Hi Tim, thank you for your kind comments. Yes it doesn't look good. Somewhat better for me as I'm old and I have a few health issues which are not great for a long life. So, for me it's those we leave behind although I try not to worry about it, sometimes I can't avoid it. But today I'm wearing my smiley face. It's nice to make contact with others.
I recognise your method of detachment, I think we all do it as we can't do much about the world as it is, but that's a different poem ha ha.
Yes Geezer was, as he always is good at pointing out improvements, he's such a benefit to the site and he's always ready to offer great advice.
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and commenting. It makes me feel as if I'm not shouting into the void on my own here. Ruby :)
dear Ruby,
I would have loved to smoke a joint with you when I was younger...the conversation we would have had would have been epic! I love your mind!!!
*love & smiles, Cat & eddy
Ha ha, yeah that would have
Ha ha, yeah that would have been something but I'm afraid when I tried hash, I was disappointed. Now I drink red wine and it has a nice mellowing effect on me. Take care Ruby :)